So, I’m awake at 1:30 am thinking about Christmas. Not fun Christmas stuff, but what my family’s response to my gender will be. What my boundaries should be. What my limits should be – when do I leave the conversation, when do I leave the party, when do I leave forever.
I’m not exactly feeling optimistic right now.
Especially since I’ve had more full-on male days lately, when I’ve preferred to be called “Eliot” and needed to bind to avoid crippling dysphoria. What if Christmas is one of those days? How do I choose between alienating my family (probably leading to feeling suicidal) and dressing the opposite of my gender-du-jour (probably leading to feeling suicidal)?
tl;dr: I’m feeling unnecessarily anxious about my family’s relationship with my gender, but it’s coming on time to start establishing some boundaries for Christmas.